So NaNoWriMo is coming.
(I had to.)
But in all seriousness. If you’ve been following my blog for any stretch of time, you know that NaNo is a big deal for me. Attempted every year since 2006, completed every year since 2008. This will be my 4th year as an ML – the municipal liaison (regional coordinator) for an area. My 2009 NaNo novel is my MFA manuscript.
This is a big deal for me.
And I’m not ready for this year.
I’m not worried about the story. I plan on writing characters I know very well – and a story of theirs I enjoy. All I really need is an idea, and I’ll be fine in terms of November writing. So I know the words will come.
I don’t really doubt my ability to do it. If I win, this will be my eighth completion of the challenge. I’ve proven that I can do it, even in more pressing time constraints. (You try writing 50k while taking 8 classes and running lights for a stage show. I speak from experience. It’s not fun.) So with a serving job and little else, I should be just fine.
I even know that I have a guaranteed night of writing, each Friday. A good artist friend of mine has been struggling to stay motivated with a comic project he’s been working on for pretty much the whole time I’ve known him. We’ve decided that November is a good month to buckle down in, so we’re dedicating Fridays – our usual social get-together day – to creating. We’ve got several “creator” friends. This will be good for us.
So what am I so worried about? To be honest, I’m not sure. Something in me just doesn’t feel ready. It feels like this month has snuck up on me in a dark alley and shoved my head in a black bag. Amusingly enough, I was looking at my Timehop for today, and a year ago I have a post that sounds very similar to this one up on here. Last year I was struggling with excitement for the month. I was tired, working a new job in a field I was unfamiliar with, and still struggling a great deal with my depression. I didn’t know what I was doing, I’d just moved to Richmond not too long ago, and everything seemed like chaos. This year, I’m starting my new serving job, I’ve been on meds for a while now and they’re pretty stable, but I’m still at a bit of a loss for the month. I’m excited enough, but I feel like I’m too tired to be excited.
It’s unfortunate, really. NaNoWriMo was what convinced my to change my major. It’s what turned my life into what it is today. I wouldn’t change anything for where I am; I love being a writer. But there’s a piece of it that’s starting to feel like work.
What really confuses me is that I’m still really interested in my stories. I have ideas! And I know where the story needs to go, and what I want to do next! And So Many Ideas and yet when I put my hands on the keyboard and my butt in the chair…nothing. I’ve had a chapter in limbo for my fanfic for probably over a month now. I feel bad for my readers, but I just can’t get the words out.
I hope November can kick me out of it. Being an ML means I have an external reason to win: I don’t want to show my region the weakness. I need to win for them, to be a role model.
So we’ll see. (Also, sorry about the late blog post. As you can see, I’m doing so well with writing things…)
See you again in November, literary luminaries.