I know I’ve talked about writing through depression before, but I’m not sure I’ve talked much about what we’d all consider “writer’s block.” I can’t remember; I know I’ve talked about it somewhere, and it was probably here, but HEY LET’S DO IT AGAIN.
That feeds into what I’m talking about anyway. I can make it work.
I’ve always felt this strange disconnect between the writer I am in November and the writer I am pretty much any other time of the year. I want to be a writer; I say this all the time. I don’t find happiness at this level from anything else in my life. And in November, I can write for long periods of time, on pretty much any topic, and get large quantities of words down.
So why can’t I seem to do that any other time of the year?
For a while I was doing a nice job of not “breaking the chain,” as I’ve talked about in previous blogs, for a while back a month or two ago. I really wanted to keep that up, and my schedule ate me. Moving didn’t help matters, and then the close to a month I spent getting myself settled in here. I’m still trying to find my groove…and the words don’t come. I’ve been getting all kinds of interesting ideas for my stories, and I can see all kinds of scenes for the future…but I can’t get myself to write them. I know, I know. Some people will tell me to just write the scenes I can think of and come back to the rest. I know myself well enough to know that if I skip around, I’ll never come back to those scenes. I’m really bad at writing out of order; it’s once of the reasons I don’t outline things often. If the scenes are all planned out, in my head they’ve already occurred. Why should I write them again?
If anyone was wondering why the edits on REVOLUTION are taking so long, you know why. Re-writing is my absolute downfall.
So what is there to be done? I want to write, I have the ideas to write, and god knows I have more than enough projects to choose from. I say that I write fanfiction to help break the slumps, but now I’m even slumped on my fanfic projects. It’s incredibly irritating. What’s even more so is that when I haven’t worked on something in a while, I’ll go back and read what I’ve written to refresh my memory on the story. Sometimes I’ll mention something three chapters back that I might have forgotten otherwise, and it gives me the jump-off point I need. More often than not, I get sucked into my own story and reach the end, desperate for more. “I like this story! I love these characters! Why isn’t there more of this book? Oh right, because I haven’t written it yet.” And the words still don’t come.
I don’t know if this is something more specific to me, or if this is something writers face all the time. It’s incredibly frustrating to want so badly to write something…and then be unable to actually write. I know so much that’s going to happen in KARANTIRI. I know what needs to be changed in REVOLUTION, for the most part. I have all kinds of ideas for RECORD. And yet the documents sit in front of me, silent, and I come up with more ideas for projects which I haven’t opened yet.
Maybe the trick is to have every project open at once. Then my brain will have to choose something.
Fellow writers out there: is this something you’ve run into? Would you consider this writer’s block, or not? I usually think of writer’s block as when I can’t think of anything to write, rather than not being capable of getting the words on the page. Who knows. I’d love to hear your input, and know what you do to get out of the funk. I want to work on my stories!
My poor characters. So neglected. (At least I got a little writing done yesterday?)