November is Coming…

Everyone who knows something about me and my writing knows my passion for the National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, that goes on every November. I’ve attempted the challenge every year since 2006, and completed it every year since 2008. I’ve been an ML for three years (including this one) and I actively try to be involved in more than just my region. I often say that NaNo changed my life, and I truly believe that; it was the tipping point for writing when I decided to change my major. I quite literally would not be where and who I am today if not for NaNoWriMo.

…And this year, I’m having a lot of trouble getting excited for it.

I’m in a brand new place, with a cool new region, and all kinds of inspiration. I have write-ins to attend–maybe some to run–and two different regions to juggle. I have an idea for my book, and even the beginning written out from Camp NaNo this summer. (Those words will obviously not be in my 50k for this month.)

But I’m exhausted, all the time. I have no energy at work, let alone when I get home at the end of the day. I’m trying to be good and exercise each work day after I get home, and then I have dinner, and by the end of the day I only have maybe an hour–two if I’m lucky– to write. And I’m pooped by then. Let alone if there’s (God forbid) a television show I want to watch. I end up with only weekends, and I can’t pull 10k+ weekends all month, and still retain my sanity.

I want to see people. I’m making friends, and I don’t want to shut them out for all of November. I want to feel like I’m enjoying myself instead of pulling teeth. I can barely get my last packet for my MFA done–what am I going to do when I’m expected to write fifty thousand words?

For the first time in a very long time, I’m worried about winning NaNo. Coming off of last year where I wrote 100k+, that’s scary.

I’m hoping that my recent visits to the doctor will sort some of this out. We’re testing for some possibilities of why I’m so tired, and with luck, it’ll be an easy fix and I can start trying to get my energy back for November. Because if this stays the way it is, I’m not sure I’m going to make it.

I’m trying to hold onto the positives. Both of my parents are doing NaNo this year, my mom for the first time ever. Dad may get his book completed this year, and I’d love for that to happen. I have an awesome new region filled with brilliant and uplifting people who I can spur on all through the month to hit their word counts. And as always, I have my amazingly supportive Internet writing community to lift me up and help me remember why I started doing this.

But it’s hard, right now. Fighting the demons in my head, trying to get work done and not fall asleep, and trying to be a social person for a few minutes of the day while also writing…? It’s really, really hard.

But I have to try.

I have to.